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| 11:33pm 04/02/2011 |
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once i reach that point, i'm gonna kill myself. there was never more than that. |
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| 01:12am 02/06/2010 |
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fuck everyone. you're all fucking liars, betrayers, deceivers, and two faced devils waiting to steal my soul. i have had it with human-kind, fuck ghandi and his foolhardy quotes. the sea of humanity is tainted, fuck all of you. |
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| 05:35am 09/04/2010 |
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i'll destroy it all. this can be the bitter end. |
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| 08:35am 20/02/2010 |
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I guess finding anything reliable, anything stable, anything certain, is really what the hardest things is in this world. feelings change, seasons change, love changes, people change. and when we become what we've never seen in our little fucking mirrors. then we know, then w4e know something got fucked up along the way. but we were never privy to it. or maybe we just ignored it till it tore away at everything that we had, and everything that we were. but at least we all die, or maybe it's just waking up. somehow all this shit ends. here, at least. what am i even looking for anymore? i have no fucking clue. malta? i thought that was something i knew. but i guess not. i'm not looking for people, i'm not looking for a person. and i will no longer try the pointless search of looking for a place, there isn't one. people are ugly, horrible, nasty monsters, and i'd be a fool to keep trusting them. i'll lay all my cards on the fucking table, my beating heart, my tainted soul, my shattered innocence. and i'll watch whatever underworldly thing rises up from these godforsaken ashes. maybe it will devour me. maybe it will save me. maybe it will just be another fucking spin to this devious cycle. i dont know whats beyond these fucking walls. when i think about it, it just fucks with me. cause nothing is really there. nothing is everywhere. i dont even remember what the hell my face looks like till i see that pitiful reflection of a shell staring back at me. this is a nightmare, these are my tormenters. this whole thing is the begging of an end. |
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| 11:36pm 12/01/2010 |
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and my trembling hand crept up to wipe your misty eyes they sparkle like emeralds, and light up the room such a soft glow. even the tears that slowly roll down your petal soft cheeks are light like green bulbs |
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| 06:11pm 16/12/2009 |
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i'm so sorry, jessi. i set it to mobile. i had to pick up my brother. i'm sorry. i'll make sure i sign out of it to go mobile. i'm sorry. i love you, jessi. i'm sorry it didn't work right. |
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| 10:56am 15/12/2009 |
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i'm trying my best not to cry. |
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| 07:59am 14/12/2009 |
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did you break up with me? |
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| 12:08am 13/12/2009 |
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if you sstart talking to me like just a friend, what will we become? it hurts so much to hear you talk that way to me. i'm sorry this happend. please dont lash out at me. please dont talk to me like just a friend, that makes me feel like you're blaming me for it. i cant get through this without you. i need you to tell me how you feel. and if you say that you love me so much less often . i will feel even more to blaime |
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| 08:36pm 12/12/2009 |
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mood:  distressed
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i love you so much. i hope you'll forgive me. i pray you'll still be mine. i've ruined everything. you dont deserve this, it's all my fault. i'm so sorry, jessi. i'm so sorry. |
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| 07:09pm 03/12/2009 |
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so i guess overworking yourself and not eating are in no way harming yourself then? |
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| 10:36pm 02/12/2009 |
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when i die. so does every memory of me. |
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| 02:54am 25/10/2009 |
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i dont communicate well with certain people, and it's harder to communicate anymore. |
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| 08:16pm 15/09/2009 |
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i feel so restless. i feel trapped in this house. i know sometimes i need help. and i wanna move out of here. and i will, before long. i was seeing white spots that night i had such a high fever. i meditated to take away the pain, and it seemed to help with my fever too. having desire but no drive. i hate that feeling, i know i'd feel accomplished. but i've been unmotivated to do much lately. being sick really through me off too. riding bike usually makes me feel strong. i miss doing that. ugg... |
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| 03:49pm 18/08/2009 |
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because arguing longer makes me not a terrible person? sure. so then i just shouldn't let up anymore at all, even if i know my point is completely fucking pointless to make. |
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| 03:58pm 11/08/2009 |
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i just don't know. the future seems so heavy |
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| seven 7 seven |
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| 03:05am 28/07/2009 |
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i'm sorry if it makes you mad, or upset.
building roads to nowhere today making walls from rotten wood supported by the crumbling stones anchored down with heavy water
but it's only suffering it's only pain but it's only seven lives seven thousand lives
dont let your mind get swept away pulled apart by unreal conventions we're all beautiful in our own way
but they look so good so good at being them but i look so bad so bad at being them
i wish i didn't feel like shit when i look into my mirror don't know who's looking back some say it's me though
and i would be beatiful if i were like them and i would be feeling right if i felt like them
maybe if i change these things i'd accept a different me pen that hope down these halls ran lines down these arms
and every single fucking day i hear their shit again and every hope of yesterday with tears drips from my chin
being me is not for me i'm gonna break it down fuck my life without a frown i guess my mind is shadow bound
but i bet i'd be ok if i really could but i think i'll just let go if i really can |
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| 11:57pm 26/07/2009 |
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so today got better |
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| 03:37am 25/07/2009 |
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maybe these things are working but i hate the taste. they're so hard to swallow sometimes. i get to see you tomorrow! =] i took some meds to help me sleep, just thought i should tell you. it's so hard to sleep sometimes, that's actually the reason i got them in the first place. |
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| 10:24pm 19/07/2009 |
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so i started on the supplements just two days ago. it was an odd experience, i laughed. today though i feel okay. not unbalanced yet. |
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