11:33pm 04/02/2011
  once i reach that point, i'm gonna kill myself. there was never more than that.  
     Post
 
   
01:12am 02/06/2010
  fuck everyone. you're all fucking liars, betrayers, deceivers, and two faced devils waiting to steal my soul. i have had it with human-kind, fuck ghandi and his foolhardy quotes. the sea of humanity is tainted, fuck all of you.  
     Post
 
   
05:35am 09/04/2010
  i'll destroy it all. this can be the bitter end.  
     Post
 
   
08:35am 20/02/2010
  I guess finding anything reliable, anything stable, anything certain, is really what the hardest things is in this world. feelings change, seasons change, love changes, people change. and when we become what we've never seen in our little fucking mirrors. then we know, then w4e know something got fucked up along the way. but we were never privy to it. or maybe we just ignored it till it tore away at everything that we had, and everything that we were. but at least we all die, or maybe it's just waking up. somehow all this shit ends. here, at least.
what am i even looking for anymore? i have no fucking clue. malta? i thought that was something i knew. but i guess not. i'm not looking for people, i'm not looking for a person. and i will no longer try the pointless search of looking for a place, there isn't one. people are ugly, horrible, nasty monsters, and i'd be a fool to keep trusting them. i'll lay all my cards on the fucking table, my beating heart, my tainted soul, my shattered innocence. and i'll watch whatever underworldly thing rises up from these godforsaken ashes. maybe it will devour me. maybe it will save me. maybe it will just be another fucking spin to this devious cycle. i dont know whats beyond these fucking walls. when i think about it, it just fucks with me. cause nothing is really there. nothing is everywhere. i dont even remember what the hell my face looks like till i see that pitiful reflection of a shell staring back at me. this is a nightmare, these are my tormenters. this whole thing is the begging of an end.
 
     Read 2 - Post
 
   
11:36pm 12/01/2010
  and my trembling hand crept up
to wipe your misty eyes
they sparkle like emeralds,
and light up the room
such a soft glow.
even the tears that slowly roll
down your petal soft cheeks
are light like green bulbs
 
     Post
 
   
06:11pm 16/12/2009
 
mood: upset
i'm so sorry, jessi. i set it to mobile. i had to pick up my brother. i'm sorry. i'll make sure i sign out of it to go mobile. i'm sorry. i love you, jessi. i'm sorry it didn't work right.
 
     Post
 
   
10:56am 15/12/2009
  i'm trying my best not to cry.  
     Post
 
   
07:59am 14/12/2009
  did you break up with me?  
     Post
 
   
12:08am 13/12/2009
  if you sstart talking to me like just a friend, what will we become? it hurts so much to hear you talk that way to me. i'm sorry this happend. please dont lash out at me. please dont talk to me like just a friend, that makes me feel like you're blaming me for it. i cant get through this without you. i need you to tell me how you feel. and if you say that you love me so much less often . i will feel even more to blaime  
     Post
 
   
08:36pm 12/12/2009
 
mood: distressed
i love you so much. i hope you'll forgive me. i pray you'll still be mine. i've ruined everything. you dont deserve this, it's all my fault. i'm so sorry, jessi. i'm so sorry.
 
     Post
 
   
07:09pm 03/12/2009
  so i guess overworking yourself and not eating are in no way harming yourself then?  
     Post
 
   
10:36pm 02/12/2009
  when i die. so does every memory of me.  
     Post
 
   
02:54am 25/10/2009
  i dont communicate well with certain people, and it's harder to communicate anymore.  
     Post
 
   
08:16pm 15/09/2009
  i feel so restless. i feel trapped in this house. i know sometimes i need help. and i wanna move out of here. and i will, before long. i was seeing white spots that night i had such a high fever. i meditated to take away the pain, and it seemed to help with my fever too. having desire but no drive. i hate that feeling, i know i'd feel accomplished. but i've been unmotivated to do much lately. being sick really through me off too. riding bike usually makes me feel strong. i miss doing that. ugg...  
     Read 1 - Post
 
   
03:49pm 18/08/2009
  because arguing longer makes me not a terrible person? sure. so then i just shouldn't let up anymore at all, even if i know my point is completely fucking pointless to make.  
     Post
 
   
03:58pm 11/08/2009
  i just don't know. the future seems so heavy  
     Post
 
seven 7 seven   
03:05am 28/07/2009
  i'm sorry if it makes you mad, or upset.



building roads to nowhere today
making walls from rotten wood
supported by the crumbling stones
anchored down with heavy water

but it's only suffering
it's only pain
but it's only seven lives
seven thousand lives

dont let your mind get swept away
pulled apart by unreal conventions
we're all beautiful
in our own way

but they look so good
so good at being them
but i look so bad
so bad at being them

i wish i didn't feel like shit
when i look into my mirror
don't know who's looking back
some say it's me though

and i would be beatiful
if i were like them
and i would be feeling right
if i felt like them

maybe if i change these things
i'd accept a different me
pen that hope down these halls
ran lines down these arms

and every single fucking day
i hear their shit again
and every hope of yesterday
with tears drips from my chin

being me is not for me
i'm gonna break it down
fuck my life without a frown
i guess my mind is shadow bound

but i bet i'd be ok
if i really could
but i think i'll just let go
if i really can
 
     Post
 
   
11:57pm 26/07/2009
  so today got better  
     Post
 
   
03:37am 25/07/2009
  maybe these things are working but i hate the taste. they're so hard to swallow sometimes. i get to see you tomorrow! =]
i took some meds to help me sleep, just thought i should tell you.
it's so hard to sleep sometimes, that's actually the reason i got them in the first place.
 
     Post
 
   
10:24pm 19/07/2009
  so i started on the supplements just two days ago. it was an odd experience, i laughed. today though i feel okay. not unbalanced yet.  
     Post